Sir , there is a situation ......

Today at work there was a situation ....
I was summoned by a fellow employee to the bathroom ( never a good start ) when I entered the bathroom he simply pointed and asked " is that human DNA ?" my response " Yes , yes it is ....... WTF ?"
Im going to let you use your imagination here ..... All I'm going to say is I soon felt like I was one man in a two man crime scene clean up crew !
This " situation " was life changing in all the wrong ways . I now feel that my fellow co worker and I have a bond that no others will truly understand and I pray that no other man have to go through what we did today !

" You are not very likable "

I was told today by a fellow co-worker that I am not very likable ...... I think this was supposed to hurt my feelings .

The fact of the matter is that I know I'm not very Likable . I am one of those people that can be hard to get along with , this is not news to anyone who knows me . Most of my friends like me for this very reason , Im honest and if you are my friend you are my friend for life there isn't much I would not do for you ! But, if you piss me off and generally annoy me I will make it very hard for you to like me ...... its just easier that way ..... you don't like me and I don't like you ....

Everyone is happy !

If only ....

If only I was just " An awful Crab"

I think I'm usually referred to as more of an A@*hole

and I don't think I have ever been a "Prince"

But I would try anything cuz my nerves are shot !

That makes me uncomfortable !

There are many things that make me uncomfortable .....

1. Someone crying - I have the emotional depth of a baby spoon ( not very deep ) I have no response to a person crying with the exception of children ( yes , I have a child ) I couldn't tell you the last time I cried and therefore I am totally and uncomfortably clueless what the proper response to a crying adult Is in any situation !

2. Cheating spouses - A no brainer , right ? Of course that should make you uncomfortable ! But , I for some unknown reason am the person that is informed about said indiscretions from the cheater and it's usually in just general conversation like it's not really a big deal ..... How the F am I supposed to respond to this information?I consider this a double whammy seeing as in all the cases I've encountered of this I also know the non cheating spouse ..... Double uncomfortable !

3. The word " Moist" - No idea ? But , the word makes me extremely uncomfortable in any given context or situation .

4. Other people using Cuss words - I was raised in a Irish/English household where my mother used the F word as a verb , adjective and noun . I am also known to cuss like a sailor on shore leave but , If anyone else uses cuss words in front of me I'm instantaneously uncomfortable .... Call it a double standard .

5. Sports fans - I have nothing in common with sports fans and am immediately uncomfortable in there presence . I don't mean you average Joe go to watch the cubbies at wrigley once a year type fans I'm talking die hard know all the stats can't talk about anything but kinda fans . Mostly because I know that eventually the conversation will get around to sports and I will have to show my complete and total ignorance in the subject .

6. Strangers - I'm a thirty something 6'4" 190 pound man .... I should have no issues with people I don't know trying to harm me . Yet , I do and strangers make me U to the N ... Uncomfortable !

7. Hair cuts - I'm sorry , but someone touching your head and bringing very sharp objects that close to your face is weird ..... And the conversation is forced and uncomfortable . Hence the reason I have become a pro at cutting my own hair ... Fade and all .

8. Snakes - I dont like them in any state of being ... dead , alive in a cage , anywhere ..... they are horrible and make me squirm !

9. Talking on the Phone - I do this as little as possible ... to the extent that I wont call in take out food orders of any kind . This may go back to the "strangers" thing but I don't even like speaking with my wife on the phone . I just fell uncomfortable with it ....

10. Heights - Any and all Heights are included ! To say I'm Uncomfortable is a huge understatement ! Terrified , would be hitting it a little closer to the mark while still not doing my feelings on the subject justice . I have made my wife climb two story step ladders to re hang gutters because of how it makes me feel . The very fact that I'm writing this makes me uncomfortable and don't even get me started on Flying . Just the thought of having to maybe one day board a plane causes so much anxiety my wife knows to never mention it around me !